Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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