Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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