i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize