After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
