it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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