i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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