i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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