i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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