sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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