when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
