everyone is single if you try hard enough
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
