I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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