dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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