This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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