My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
