clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize