my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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