proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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