My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
