I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
