WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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