dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
