Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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