You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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