know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
