I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
