I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
