i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
