I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
