he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
