is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
