yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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