i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
