In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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