Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
