Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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