I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
