and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
