My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
