my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
