i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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