marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize