Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
