Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How does one acquire holy water?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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