dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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