xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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