I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
