I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
