he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mom said you looked used
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
