he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
