What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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