somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
