Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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