I cockslap morals
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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