How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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