why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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