I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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