I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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