She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
