Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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