I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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