So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
BRING THE BAGELS
I pour the whiskey from now on
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
