Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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