Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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