I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
