ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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