had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
