did you get engaged???
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
