OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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