Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
