I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
