i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
