i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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