Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
