i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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