that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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