We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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